Tough Questions Kids Ask

Your child asks: What’s going to happen to use now that Dad lost his job?
Your response: Calmly explain that Dad is looking for another job and the two of you have saved enough money to take care of the family. Then say that for a little while, everyone will have to give up some extras. Even kids as young as five can understand the notion of cutting back. Use an example: “Remember the time you wanted a spaceship from the store, but we made one out of a box? We had a lot of fun, and we didn’t spend any money.”
For older kids: Brainstorm ways they can help, suggests Gail Gross, EdD., a family and child development specialist in Houston. “You’ll be surprised at how resourceful they can be,” says Gross. For example, a child may volunteer to babysit her younger siblings while you put in a few more hours at the office. She’ll feel good that she was able to contribute.

Your child asks: Isn’t lying okay sometimes?
Your response: If a child under five is asking, the answer is no. Trying to explain an appropriate fib will only confuse him.
For older kids: This is a great opportunity to explain that life isn’t always black and white  Sometimes it’s necessary to tell small lies to avoid hurting sometime’s feelings. Say something like, “Remember when you didn’t like any of the food Aunt Mary served for dinner? You can still tell her it was a wonderful meal. After all, we did have a great time, and you love going to her house.”
        Be sure to explain clearly when lying is not acceptable – to escape punishment, for example, or to hide mistakes. And tell your child it’s never okay to lie to you about where he is, whom he’s with, or what he’s doing. 

Your child asks: Why did grandma have to die?
Your response: Never tell a small child that a person who has died has just gone to sleep or went away on a long trip. Your child may begin to fear going to bed at night or get nervous when you leave the house. If your religion explains what happens after death you can share that with your child. Explain that all living things die one day. Then find something comforting to say, such as “We’ll always have great memories of Grandma, even if we can’t be with her now.”
For older kids: You need to give them an opportunity to voice their grief. Ask how your child is feeling, then say something like, “I know how much you miss Grandma; I do too.” Your child needs to know that her sadness is normal and that others are going through the same thing.

Your child asks: Are we safe from terrorists?
Your response: With all that’s going on in the world, young children can easily become frightened. Be honest, but explain the situation in terms they can understand. For example: “Yes, some bad things happened, but the police are going to catch the people responsible.” Then add a big dose of comfort and reassurance, reminding your child, several times if you have to, that you’re there to protect her, and the chances of anything like that happening where you live are small.
For older kids: School-age and adolescent kids can handle more discussion about specific events – they may want you to help them sort out what they’re hearing from friends and on TV. But they, too, need to be reassured that attacks are unlikely.
        Keep in mind, kids this age easily pick up on adult anxieties – and many of us, understandably, haven’t yet resolved our own fears about terrorism. One strategy: Learn what your local police and government officials are doing to keep your community safe, and share that information with your child.

Your child asks: Do I have to tell on my friend if I know she’s cheating on a test?
Your response: Explain immediately that cheating is wrong, under any circumstances, and that your child is right to be worried about the situation. Then explore the various options. Does the school have any rules for reporting cheating? Perhaps there’s a system that allows students to come forward confidentially      Another option: Your child could confront his friend. The friend may get angry and defensive, but the two of them would probably work it out eventually – and your child could take satisfaction in knowing that he didn’t ignore the problem. .

Your child asks: Mom, you use bad words, why can’t I?
Your response: For very young kids, you need to say something like “No one should use bad words, including me.” Then try to teach your child to use substitute words, suggests Steven Richfield, PsyD, a child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania – “please be quiet” instead of “shut up,” for example.
For older kids: They can understand that some behavior is acceptable for adults and not for children. You still need to acknowledge that cursing is unattractive behavior for everyone. The two of you can work together to eliminate the behavior.

Your child asks: Are you and Dad going to get a divorce?
Your response: Assuming you are not splitting up, try to find out where the question came from. Are a friend’s parents separating? Has your child overheard an argument between you and your husband? Then explain that all relationships --  even the best ones – involve some conflict but that you and your husband always work things out.
For older kids: You can use the same approach. But if you do have an argument in front of your child, make an effort to let him see the two of you resolving the spat. It’s reassuring for kids to know that their parents work hard to settle disputes.