How Stress Sneaks Up On You

Last year, Emily, 27, hit a slump. She hated her job and the city where she lived, but couldn't figure out what to do about it. She and her boyfriend were hav­ing issues, and her next-door neighbors were so noisy, they continually woke her up at three in the morning. "I thought I was coping pretty well but started hav­ing all kinds of physical problems I'd never had before in my life--my stom­ach was constantly upset, I was peeing all the time, and I even began to have trouble swallowing," she says.

She went to several doctors, who couldn't find anything wrong. Frustrated with feeling lousy, Emily finally men­tioned her frequent urination to her primary-care doc. Luckily, a light bulb went off. He suspected stress and suggested she try meditation as a remedy. "Once I realized the cause of the problem, I was able to fix it. The physical symptoms all went away," she says.

Like Emily, you may not be aware that your stress is skyrocketing. According to a recent survey conducted by GLS Con­sulting, 52 percent of women across the country think that their stress levels have increased since 2001. But because ten­sion builds up slowly and manifests itself in weird ways, it's tough to tell exactly when it's taking hold. "Women are prone to taking on more work slowly, seeing their friends less, cheating on sleep, and skipping the gym," explains Mark Gorkin, author of Practice Safe Stress: Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout and Depression. "They start to experience hard-to-spot symptoms of all that pressure, but because they've fallen into a stress-prone lifestyle, they aren't in a position to recognize--or cope-- with them." Here are some reasons why you may not even realize how badly you need to chill out.

The signs are sly
Most people know that ailments like stomachaches and muscle tension can be stress-related. But there's also a wide range of other--sometimes bizarre ­body reactions, such as frequent urination, difficulty swallowing, skin rashes, and memory failure, Many women (and even doctors) don't realize these screwed-up symptoms signal stress, and they waste precious treatment time dig­ging for another physically based cause. "Women and their doctors often wind up investigating everything from chronic fatigue syndrome to multiple sclerosis," explains Wayne Katon, M.D., professor of psychiatry at the University of Wash­ington Medical School in Seattle.

Soon after her fiancé called off their wedding, Andrea, 27, began to develop rashes on her arms. She changed all of her soaps and detergents, saw two doc­tors, and did extensive allergy testing but failed to come up with a diagnosis. Finally, after keeping a daily diary, she spotted a pattern: She realized the rash raged on the days she was most crazed. "I pointed this out to my doctor, and we finally made the connection that the problem was caused by stress," she ex­plains. Now, although she still breaks out occasionally, Andrea says that she takes it as a sign to slow down: “I practice yoga, go out during lunchtime, turn off the phone and television, and the rash usually goes away in a couple of hours.”

To make sure you pick up on the more peculiar effects, keep an eye out for the afflictions mentioned previously, as well as migraines, back pain, and tempera­mental bowels (other common results of anxiety). See your doctor, and if he or she can't make a diagnosis, mention stress as a possible cause. Many docs don't think about it on their own but can direct you to appropriate treatments if it does turn out to be the case, says Michael J. Baime, M.D., director of the Penn Program for Stress Management at the University of Pennsylvania Health System.

Buried deep down
Another reason women often don't real­ize they're under too much pressure is that they've learned to squelch any emotional or physical reaction that would signal they need to slow down. "Especially in the workplace, the ability to suck it up and deal, no matter what, is not just praised, it's practically required," says Gorkin. "While coping well is initially an asset, it eventually becomes a liability because you don't deal with the problem appropriately and it continues to build until you even­tually blow," adds Ann Cotter, M.D., med­ical director of the Atlantic Mind Body Center in Morristown, New Jersey.

Earlier this year, Sarah, a 27-year-old publicist, became a pro at dealing under duress. Her job took her on the road con­stantly, and she was frustrated that all of her friends were dating up a storm while she stayed single. “I've always been the kind of person who doesn't make a big deal out of everything," she explains. "Then one day, I drove six hours to de­liver a package to my client because I couldn't get something to FedEx on time. The pressure I'd been feeling finally came to a head while I was sitting in traf­fic. I started screaming at the cars, my­self, the radio...I was going nuts." It finally hit her that she was a stressed-out wreck. She scheduled a long weekend immediately and planned for a vacation with friends shortly thereafter. "Now I admit to myself when I'm taking on way too much, and force myself to take a break to read or watch television for a few hours--before I get to such a boiling point that I actually need to take time off from work," she explains.

One simple way to keep tabs on your stress level is to keep a journal. "If you don't realize when you bury your emotions, read­ing back over a month's worth of entries will give you a concrete way to pick up on patterns of stress," says Dr. Cotter. Next, at several points every day, do a status check of your body. If you're tensing your stom­ach or clenching your fists or jaw, you need to try some relaxation exercises. Lastly, try these tricks for releasing pent-up emo­tions: play music, talk with relatives or long­time friends, or go through old photo albums, suggests Gorkin,

A puzzling paradox
Stress can also play tricks on you by de­laying your reactions. "Stress puts you in a fight-or-flight adrenaline rush," says Gorkin. "It's only when you become more relaxed days or weeks later that you start actually to feel anxious."

Alexandra, 23, was going to graduate school, working part -time, and conduct­ing a job search--all while dating long distance. "On a typical day, I hit the road at 6:15 A.M. and came home after nine," she recalls. "Then I got two job offers, and my boyfriend and I broke up." After school was over, she thought she was home free. She had a fabulous new job and no longer had all that pressure hang­ing over her head. But she suddenly began to cry uncontrollably at random moments and blow up at everyone around her. "One day while I was shopping, I no­ticed that I had dropped from a size 8 to a size 2. I realized that for the past few months, I had been under so much stress, I had literally forgotten to eat." Now she tries to cope in the here and now by tun­ing in more to what's going on: "If I don't eat three meals a day or I stay up way too late, I know I'm overloaded." By checking in once a day, you can head off stress before you even feel it.

TOO TENSE? Try these chill-out-now tricks before you hit overload.

Dial a Pal
A good convo with a friend produces oxytocin, a hormone that has been shown to lower stress and calm the body.

Press an Acupressure Point
Gently rub the pressure point in the skin between your thumb and forefingers for a few minutes. According to Chinese medicine, this will help energy run freely through your body.

Breathe Deeply
Lie down with one hand on your stomach. Each time you breathe in, imagine a balloon filling with air as your hand slowly rises. Once you nail the technique, do it standing up. Try to breath like this for 10 minutes at some point during every day.

Have a Laugh
Laughing will reduce stress levels and boost immune function.

Get Busy in Bed
Having sex releases endorphins that help elevate mood and decease overall stress-induced symptoms.